Friday, July 18, 2003 @ 04:16am | Entry no.262 | yay!! ||   mood    blaaaahh   || ||   music    an evening with kevin smith   || Note to self Nancy, you will refer to the blue book. Remember. The Blue Book.. Damnit, I said the blue book, stop looking for the black one! [ end note ] My tummy's a-rumbling. It needs real food in it, other than this junk I'm making myself eat, becuase I'm just too tired to go downstairs and cook. Should I make real food? Nah... it's late. Snacky foods it is. Allie's over in Jersey. I didn't even notice til Dee mentioned that Allie AND Ummi and Darren were at my mum's. Kinda of worried me that Mike and Jimmy here just hanging around my house without him. But then again, why should I be surprised? Those little kiddies are always here. Oy. I'm completely exhausted. Completely and utterly exhausted. All I want to do is crawl into bed... but. Wait, there isn't anything that's actually holding me back from it. Wait, yes, there is, I have to write in the blue book, so that later on, I'll have something to refer to when I stumble across this journal entry. Lucky people. I've really haven't got anything to say, so I'm ending this. First short post in ages. <33 toodles unburden your soul  ( memory/edit )

Friday, July 18, 2003 @ 11:04am | Entry no.263 | ((yawns)) ||   mood    sick   || ||   music    "bad habit" _ offspring   || 10:16 AM. And I'm up. Actually, I got up sometime around 7ish. It turned out that I couldn't sleep for very long, only for like 3 hours or so. I'm going to pay for that later on, because it is Friday night... except it'll be a Friday night that I don't get to spend with my sweetie. I might not get to see him til Wednesday. ((sarcastically)) goody. That definitely doesn't make me happy, since if we don't get to see each other til Wednesday, that would make it two weeks that we didn't see each other. That's entirely way too long... and from what I hear, my pale little Norwegian has got some color on him, and it's not red. And he's fit for some reason. That should be rather interesting. I still didn't write that entry in the blue book like I meant too, but I was busy transferring a month's worth of journal entries over to my Livejournal. That may not see like a lot, but considering that I write two to three posts a day for 30 days... it starts adding to be quite a bit of work. I should keep up with it some more. Speaking of which, maybe I should update my Ujournal while I'm at it. Crap, then there's the Deadjournal too. Ew, and Xanga. I think I'm better off leaving it to Blurty and LJ. Enough babbling of unimportant random stuff. Something that I read earlier depressed me just a bit. Nothing that would be deemed as seriously upsetting, but I had clicked the random button on Blurty because whenever I'm bored, I start looking for little teenyboppers to TOS, and on one of the journals, it had the lyrics to my song with the ex. ((sighs)) It's nothing major, but the memories started flooding back and I can still hear him singing it to me. I remember him popping it into the cd player and looking at me and just singing it. C'mon now... it was pop song. I was just dying, both from trying not to laugh and because of the sappy-ness factor. And, now. Nothing. Ah. When ties get severed, they REALLY get severed. I hate not being able to just talk to him just to see how he's doing, but as per usual... what right do I have interrupting the life of someone from my past? I wonder if he ever thinks about me... or is he so consumed by his new life that, that he's completely forgotten about me? Probably the latter. Damnit. I really wish that he'd just IM me out of the blue one day; Hey Nanc, long time no type, how ya doing? but the odds of that happening are about the same as hell freezing over. It ain't going to happen. I can't keep IMing him, because I keep extending the hand of friendship out, and it keeps getting rebuffed. Damn, I don't know why I care so much, when I shouldn't care at all. [yes, that was an Ataris reference, it's from the song, Your boyfriend sucks download it, it's worth listening to. and it has dialogue from A Bronx Tale in it.] But back at the subject at hand... why do I care so much? It's obvious that people don't care, except when they want something from me. Blah... great and now I have even more to write about in my blue journal... because it's something that has to stay hidden from the world. Only I and one other person now about it, and it's going to stay that way. It really sucks not being able to talk to your friends about things that are on your mind, but this is something that can't really talked about, yet it's absolutely tearing me apart inside, because I need to talk about it. Maybe I could get advice from a complete stranger who knows nothing about me and knows no one in my life. That would be ideal... I dunno. I'm starting to feel really horrible now, and it feels like my bronchitis is really coming back, so I'm going to go lounge around the house til someone comes over to bother me. <33 toodles unburden your soul  ( memory/edit )